Sunday, December 15, 2013

The Day I Was Almost Gay (Scene 5 from recent show)



Content warnings for adult situations, adult language, and more adult situations.




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Saturday, December 14, 2013

One Night in Bangkok (Scene 4 from recent show)



Lady boys, bar girls, and hustlers who will rob you and shoot you. At midnight, I head over to a red light district known as Soi Cowboy.

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Thursday, December 12, 2013

Why I'm still Single (Scene 3 from recent show)




 The fish theory, the valency theory, and other medical excuses. (Note: the author is referring to the woman from the video: "Romance on a Greek Ferry.")

This performance was recorded live at Hostelling International Boston on December 4, 2013.


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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Romance on a Greek Ferry (Scene 2 from recent show)




"Great arm, I thought as she tossed her purse into the Mediterranean."

This performance was recorded live at Hostelling International Boston on December 4, 2013.




This performance was recorded live at Hostelling International Boston on December 4, 2013.

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Monday, December 9, 2013

One Day in Front of the Medicine Cabinet (Scene 1 from recent show)






This performance was recorded live at Hostelling International Boston on December 4, 2013.


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Monday, August 5, 2013

Photos from 2013 Capital Fringe Theater Festival in D.C.

Critics comments on The Chronic Single's Handbook


"Literary" "Funny" "Raw"
-- DC Metro Theater Arts

"Funny moments throughout" "Ross himself is a natural performer"
-- DC Theatre Scene



Photos


The Chronic Single offers two theories about why he's never been married


The Valency theory



The Fish Theory


His dating spreadsheet listing women he's dated and how they met.

 


 

 Results when you mix Vicodin, Ambien, and Heineken







Under the covers with the naughty nurse of Phnom Penh











First, third and fourth photos: Copyright 2013 by Paul Gillis Photography

Second, fifth and sixth photos: Susan Tejada






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Monday, July 8, 2013

Portland Fringe Festival Slideshow

Stage set-up with props before the show












 














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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Six Must-Read Books for the Chronically Single


Six great books that applaud the virtues of solitude and offer reassurance to singles, loners, introverts, uncompromising romantics, and others that proper, coupled-off society deems as outcasts. (By some estimates a third to half of the population are introverts.) These book are of particular interest to creative types and others who need more quiet time than is considered acceptable. If you can read only one book, read listing 6, "The Missing Piece" by cartoonist Shel Silverstein.



1) Solitude: A Return to the Self by Anthony Storr


My short review: 
Must read, especially for creative types. The author, now deceased, had serious cred as a psychiatrist, but manages to write clearly and in plain English.  
Best part of the book: listings of all the famous people who never married or lived solitary lives: Goya, Kafka, Kant, Beethoven, Anne Sexton, Beatrix Potter.

From Amazon:
Solitude was seminal in challenging the established belief that "interpersonal relationships of an intimate kind are the chief, if not the only, source of human happiness." 
- Indeed, most self-help literature still places relationships at the center of human existence. 
- Lucid and lyrical, Storr's book cites numerous examples of brilliant scholars and artists ... to demonstrate that solitude ranks alongside relationships in its impact on an individual's well-being and productivity, as well as on society's progress and health. 
- But solitary activity is essential not only for geniuses, says Storr; the average person, too, is enriched by spending time alone...More



2) Party of One: Loners' Manifesto by  Anneli Rufus


My short review: 
Fuck Publisher's Weekly (who bashed it). I really enjoyed this book -- it was a quick read, especially in the beginning. The preachy tone got a little weary later on, so I just stopped reading.
- Best part of the book: The author is married, living with another loner, and they both work at home. She looks forward to the time each day when her husband leaves the house to go get the mail -- and she has the house to herself.

From Amazon:
The Buddha. Rene Descartes. Emily Dickinson. Greta Garbo. Bobby Fischer. J. D. Salinger: Loners, all—along with as many as 25 percent of the world's population. 
- Loners keep to themselves, and like it that way. 
- Yet in the press, in films, in folklore, and nearly everywhere one looks, loners are tagged as losers and psychopaths, perverts and pity cases, ogres and mad bombers, elitists and wicked witches. 
- Too often, loners buy into those messages and strive to change, making themselves miserable in the process by hiding their true nature—and hiding from it... More


3) Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics by Sasha Cagen


My short review:
Dopey title, but a different take on being single: We're picky and less desperate than many people who end up settling. 
- An interesting note: In the book "Flying Solo" listed below, Cagen is interviewed and sound like she's getting tired of being single. 
- OK, being single can be tiring, especially on Saturday nights, when I'm at the movies by myself and sitting in the handicapped seat.
Best part of the book: Most of it.

From Amazon:
quirkyalone (kwur.kee.uh.lohn) n. adj.
A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than date for the sake of being in a couple. 

- With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a sensibility that transcends relationship status. 
- ...Of, relating to, or embodying quirkyalones. See also: romantic, idealist, independent. More

 

4) Going Solo : The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone by Eric Klinenberg 


My short review:
Interesting reading that offers a sociological look at an emerging trend. Personally, I think the trend is bad news, more evidence that society is going down the tubes. But I don't have a doctorate, what do I know.
Best part of the book, the stats: Fifty percent of households in Manhattan are people living alone?

From Amazon:
With eye-opening statistics, original data, and vivid portraits of people who live alone, renowned sociologist Eric Klinenberg upends conventional wisdom to deliver the definitive take on how the rise of going solo is transforming the American experience. More


5) Paying for it : a comic-strip memoir about being a john by Chester Brown


My short review:
Guy gets tired of dating. Guy starts paying for sex and writes about it. Surprisingly, innocent and unskeevy: The guy is a nerd who just wants to get laid without the hassles of a relationship. If you like R. Crumb, you'll like this guy.
Best part of the book: Author's honest assessment of relationships and how paying for sex makes sense for him.
 
From Amazon:
...Paying for It offers an entirely contemporary exploration of sex work—from the timid john who rides his bike to his escorts, wonders how to tip so as not to offend, and reads Dan Savage for advice, to the modern-day transactions complete with online reviews, seemingly willing participants, and clean apartments devoid of clichéd street corners, drugs, or pimps. More


6) The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein


My short review:
A quick read, this children's book is a fable about "quest and fulfillment." It also can be interpreted as a spin on the search for a significant other and how some people may be more content acknowledging that their missing a piece -- and rolling on with their lives. Silverstein, now deceased, was on of the most popular cartoonist's of his day.
Best part of book: You can read it in five minutes -- literally.

From Wikipedia:
This very simple story deals with the concept of true happiness, fulfillment, non-monogamy and love. As Anne Roiphe explained in The New York Times Book Review: "This fable can also be interpreted to mean that no one should try to find all the answers, no one should hope to fill all the holes in themselves, achieve total transcendental harmony or psychic order because a person without a search, loose ends, internal conflicts and external goals becomes too smooth to enjoy or know what's going on. Too much satisfaction blocks exchange with the outside." More




More Stuff for Single People

- Upcoming Performances of My One-Man Show: The Chronic Single's Handbook

- Short, Funny Youtube Video: "Chronically Single? You've Got Plenty of Company."

- Another Video: "Why I'm Over Forty and Still Single."


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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Press Kit: Photos


Photo of Randy Ross, writer and solo performer of "The Chronic Single's Handbook." Here, he offers one theory on why he is still single. Photo taken at the Capitol Fringe Festival in Washington, D.C. in 2013. Photo credit: Paul Gillis Photography. (low-res)

Photo of Randy Ross, writer and solo performer of "The Chronic Single's Handbook." Here, he offers one theory on why he is still single. Photo taken at the Capitol Fringe Festival in Washington, D.C. in 2013. Photo credit: Paul Gillis Photography. (hi-res)






Photo of Randy Ross, writer and solo performer of "The Chronic Single's Handbook."  Here, he shows a list of former girlfriends he keeps in a spreadsheet. Photo taken at the Capitol Fringe Festival in Washington, D.C. in 2013. Photo credit: Paul Gillis Photography. (low-res)



Photo of Randy Ross, writer and solo performer of "The Chronic Single's Handbook."  Here, he shows a list of former girlfriends he keeps in a spreadsheet. Photo taken at the Capitol Fringe Festival in Washington, D.C. in 2013. Photo credit: Paul Gillis Photography. (hi-res)



Photo of Randy Ross, writer and solo performer of "The Chronic Single's Handbook." Image of narrator concerned that he hasn't had a date in three months. Photo taken at the Capitol Fringe Festival in Washington, D.C. in 2013. Photo credit: Paul Gillis Photography.  (low-res)

Photo of Randy Ross, writer and solo performer of "The Chronic Single's Handbook." Image of narrator concerned that he hasn't had a date in three months. Photo taken at the Capitol Fringe Festival in Washington, D.C. in 2013. Photo credit: Paul Gillis Photography.  (hi-res)






Randy Ross live at Club Passim in Cambridge Mass., 2012









Show logo for "The Chronic Single's Handbook."




Randy Ross preparing to bungee jump in New Zealand.


Randy Ross bungee jumping at another site in New Zealand.




Head shot





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Press Release: The Show






Surgeons' Hall to Feature the UK Debut of

The Chronic Single's Handbook

How one man's global search love goes horribly wrong and then hilariously right -- a new show from award-winning story-teller, erotica writer, and former computer nerd Randy Ross

"Delightful" "Kept the crowd laughing" "…makes even your most abnormal, dysfunctional relationship seem sane." Watermark

The Chronic Single’s Handbook is an original comedy by Randy Ross about a never-married hypochondriac who takes a trip around the world looking for the woman of his dreams. It’s a male spin on the international hit memoir Eat, Pray, Love. The Chronic Single's Handbook features: suspicious massages, curious fingers, sadistic nurses, adult language, adult situations, and more adult language. This solo performance is inspired by actual events.

"Literary" "Raw" "Funny" DC Metro Theater Arts
 
Randy Ross, a former computer geek and introvert, is now a U.S.-based writer and performer. His fiction, humor, and erotica have appeared in The Drum, Black Heart Magazine, and other publications. In 2007, Ross lost his job at a computer magazine and blew his severance on a four-month trip around the world. He can now say in three languages: “Do you speak English?” “How much is the Pepto-Bismol?” and “Excuse me, is this the evacuation helicopter?” The Chronic Single's Handbook was inspired by the trip and has been featured at fringe festivals in Atlanta; Washington, D.C.; Orlando, Florida; and at other venues in the U.S.

"A huge success…drew one of the largest audiences we've ever had for a live performance." Paul Kuhne, Hostelling International Boston

Venue: theSpace @ Surgeons' Halls (V53)       Tickets: £8.00           
Dates: 4-16 August (not Sundays)                       (2-for-1 on 4-5 August)
Time: 19:05 (50 minutes)                                       Box Office: 0131 510 2384
Online: https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/chronic-single-s-handbook

Press Contact:
E-mail: Randy@randyrossmedia.com
Phone (U.S. number) 001 617 623-8302
Web: www.chronicsingle.com
Twitter: @chronicsingle 




Videos Excerpts from Recent Performances

- Opening scene: “Chronically single? You’ve got lots of company
Content warning for adults situations, black tongues, sadistic medical professionals.

- “The Day I Was Almost Gay
Content warning for prescription drug abuse, gooey sunburns, and men kissing on the lips.




Back to Press Kit Table of Contents

 ###

Chronic Single's Press Kit






1) Press Release

2) Show logo and photos of Randy Ross

3) Resume for Randy Ross

4) Sample show program with list of acts

5) Show flyer

6) Short videos of scenes
- One Day in Front of the Medicine Cabinet
- Romance on a Greek Ferry
- Why I'm Still Single

7) Event listings (past and upcoming) for performances, lectures, and press 

8) Press:
- Profile in Singular Magazine
- Mention in Lewiston Sun Journal
- Mention in Portland Daily News
- Show preview in DC Metro Theater Arts online magazine

9) Downloadable PDF version of press kit (stored on RandyRossMedia.com)









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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Monday, May 27, 2013

No Significant Other? How to Obtain Your Minimum Requirements for Hugs





The medical staff at the ChronicSingle's Handbook has found that individuals who do not receive adequate oxytocin risk prolonged visits to the Dark Place. Oxytocin is the feel-good hormone that is released when we’re fed, touched, or hugged. Oxytocin – no relation to Oxycontin -- is what bonds mothers to babies, lovers to each other, and humans to all things warm and fuzzy. Oxytocin is the “ox” when someone signs a letter “oxoxox

For a chronic single, the recommended dose of oxytocin is 5 units a day, about half the amount required by the general population. Note: During good times, excess oxytocin can be stored like fat for later use.

Oxytocin Benefits from Common Activities: (for a 155-pound man)

- Flirting with check-in clerk at health club: 1 unit
- Watching thirty minutes of sports with a stranger at a bar: 2 units
- Drinks with an old friend: 3 units
- Drinks with an attractive prospect: 4 units
- Sex with a long-time partner: 5 units*
- Naughty massage: 6 units
- First-time sex with an attractive prospect: 7 units

*Generally, anyone in a relationship has access to an endless supply of oxytocin. However, as a relationship sours, the human body produces stress hormones that negate any health benefits of oxytocin. Also, following a disagreement, a significant other may choose to withhold oxytocin for several months.


More entries from the Chronic Single's Handbook

- Upcoming live performances of the one-man show, The Chronic Single's Handbook.

- Opening scene of show: Chronically Single? You're not alone.

- Chapter 2: Quiz: Are you marriage material?

- Chapter 3: Quiz: Are you better off alone?


art attribution for hug candy: By jo-h (http://www.flickr.com/photos/jo-h/3389155929/) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons


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Monday, May 20, 2013

"The Chronic Single's Handbook": Shows for Summer 2013


The Chronic Single's Handbook


One man's global search for love

A solo performance inspired by actual events  
featuring Randy Ross 




 
Exotic Locales

Pepto-Bismol

A body-spa named The Curious Finger.










Early praise for The Chronic Single's Handbook:

"Hysterical, side-splitting, profound, a tour-de-force of droll insight. One of the year's best."
-- Randy Ross, writer/performer, The Chronic Single's Handbook

"The balance on your credit card is overdue. Please remit immediately."
-- Bank of West Boston



Upcoming Shows

6/29, 6/30: Portland, ME, PortFringe, fringe theater festival
- Location: Portland Stage Company (PSC) Storefront theater space. Directions
- Times: Saturday 6/29 at 6:00PM, Sunday 6/30 matinee at 1:00PM
- Tickets, more information. 
(tickets cost $10)
*Note: "The Chronic Single's Handbook" may also be listed at "The Handbook for the Chronically Single."
- Show program


7/19 - 7/27: Washington, D.C., Capital Fringe, fringe theater festival
- Location: Gearbox, 1021 7th St NW, 3rd floor, D.C. 20001
- Times (five shows) FR 7/19 6:45PM | SU 7/21 9:30PM | TU 7/23 9:30PM | TH 7/25 10:00PM
SA 7/27 2:PM
- Tickets, more information 
(ticket available in early June. Cost $17, plus $5 or so for festival pass)



Watch Videos Excerpts from Recent Performances

 - Opening scene: "Chronically single? You've got lots of company"
Content warning for adults situations, black tongues, sadistic medical professionals.

- "The Day I Was Almost Gay"
Content warning for prescription drug abuse, gooey sunburns, and men kissing on the lips.



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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Are You Single Because Most People Are Jerks?



Tired of being stigmatized because you've realized that most people are jerks? Tips for dealing with insecure couples and others who would stigmatize you for your discriminating taste.


1) Accept that relationships come and go, but mostly go.

2) Enjoy free porn, but invest in good anti-virus software.

3) Accept that moods are cyclical; if you're happy now, wait a few hours.

4) Accept that some people grow up to be professional athletes and some people die of horrible wasting diseases. Similarly, some people get married and some people -- like you -- don't.

5) When someone calls you a commit-a-phobe, counter with the number of friends you've had for more than a decade, the number of years you've had the same car, or the number of years you've had the same career – all numbers that will no doubt exceed the length of most marriages.

More Articles from the Experts at ChronicSingle.com


- Quiz: Are you marriage material?

- Quiz: Are you better off alone?

 

A great book for single people


Solitude: In Search of Self
Written by a note psychologist, the book explores the lives of many creative people who never married and spent much of their time alone -- and were fine with it. Among the notables: Isaac Newton, Beatrix Potter, Beethoven. Are you a budding, creative genius? You'll never find out letting people you don't like suck up all your time.





Photo credit: Lake image by Richie Diesterheft [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons




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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Quiz: Are You Better Off Alone?





Are you normal, a chronic single, or a misanthrope? Find out now.



I) Give yourself one point for each answer that applies 

 

1) As a child, when other kids were out playing, you spent your time:

- Shoplifting
- Wetting your bed.
- Running away from home.
- Setting fire to road-kill squirrels.

2) Your favorite comedy movies:
- Caligula
- The Exorcist
- Leaving Las Vegas
- A Clockwork Orange

3) Your favorite celebrities:
- OJ
- Fatty Arbuckle
- Tonya Harding
- Nurse Ratched

4) You favorite quotes:
- "So it goes."
- "Everybody lies."
- "Hell is other people."
- "Stop me before I kill again."

5) If you had a boy, you would name him:
- Ebeneezer
- Holden
- House
- Sue

6) Favorite foods:
- Steak tartare
- Carpaccio
- Sushi
- Vicodin

7) Favorite colors:
- Black
- White

8) At a friend's dinner party, you typically:
- Open the refrigerator, take one bite of every item, and put it all back.
- Stuff a used tissue in the spinach dip.
- Steal the salt shakers.
- Ask for a doggy bag.

9) Which best describes your social style?
- Aloof.
- Reticent.
- Boorish.
- None of your fucking business.

10) You invite your elderly mother to dinner in a bad part of town. You show up:

- Fifteen minutes late.
- One hour late.
- Five hours late.
- Never.


II) True or False


Give yourself one point for each True answer.
1) You need time alone, the way you need sleep: At least eight hours a day or you get grumpy.
2) You shun perpetually cheerful people: kids, reformed alcoholics, and anyone who sells real estate.
3) Your closest friend is the one buried under your floorboards.

III) Scoring

 

One to Five points: Introvert.
Six to Ten points: Chronic Single.
Eleven to Fifteen points: Misanthrope.
Sixteen points or more: Verizon customer service rep.



More Entries from the Chronic Single's Handbook

 

- Are you marriage material? (doubtful)


- Find your match: The five romantic personalities.


- Chronically single? You've got lots of company (video)


Art Attribution: By halfrain (Flickr) [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

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