Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Quiz: Are You Better Off Alone?





Are you normal, a chronic single, or a misanthrope? Find out now.



I) Give yourself one point for each answer that applies 

 

1) As a child, when other kids were out playing, you spent your time:

- Shoplifting
- Wetting your bed.
- Running away from home.
- Setting fire to road-kill squirrels.

2) Your favorite comedy movies:
- Caligula
- The Exorcist
- Leaving Las Vegas
- A Clockwork Orange

3) Your favorite celebrities:
- OJ
- Fatty Arbuckle
- Tonya Harding
- Nurse Ratched

4) You favorite quotes:
- "So it goes."
- "Everybody lies."
- "Hell is other people."
- "Stop me before I kill again."

5) If you had a boy, you would name him:
- Ebeneezer
- Holden
- House
- Sue

6) Favorite foods:
- Steak tartare
- Carpaccio
- Sushi
- Vicodin

7) Favorite colors:
- Black
- White

8) At a friend's dinner party, you typically:
- Open the refrigerator, take one bite of every item, and put it all back.
- Stuff a used tissue in the spinach dip.
- Steal the salt shakers.
- Ask for a doggy bag.

9) Which best describes your social style?
- Aloof.
- Reticent.
- Boorish.
- None of your fucking business.

10) You invite your elderly mother to dinner in a bad part of town. You show up:

- Fifteen minutes late.
- One hour late.
- Five hours late.
- Never.


II) True or False


Give yourself one point for each True answer.
1) You need time alone, the way you need sleep: At least eight hours a day or you get grumpy.
2) You shun perpetually cheerful people: kids, reformed alcoholics, and anyone who sells real estate.
3) Your closest friend is the one buried under your floorboards.

III) Scoring

 

One to Five points: Introvert.
Six to Ten points: Chronic Single.
Eleven to Fifteen points: Misanthrope.
Sixteen points or more: Verizon customer service rep.



More Entries from the Chronic Single's Handbook

 

- Are you marriage material? (doubtful)


- Find your match: The five romantic personalities.


- Chronically single? You've got lots of company (video)


Art Attribution: By halfrain (Flickr) [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

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