The medical staff at the ChronicSingle's Handbook has found that individuals who do not receive adequate oxytocin risk prolonged visits to the Dark Place. Oxytocin is the feel-good hormone that is released when we’re fed, touched, or hugged. Oxytocin – no relation to Oxycontin -- is what bonds mothers to babies, lovers to each other, and humans to all things warm and fuzzy. Oxytocin is the “ox” when someone signs a letter “oxoxox”
For a chronic single, the recommended dose of oxytocin is 5 units a day, about half the amount required by the general population. Note: During good times, excess oxytocin can be stored like fat for later use.
Oxytocin Benefits from Common Activities: (for a 155-pound man)
- Flirting with check-in clerk at health club: 1 unit
- Watching thirty minutes of sports with a stranger at a bar: 2 units
- Drinks with an old friend: 3 units
- Drinks with an attractive prospect: 4 units
- Sex with a long-time partner: 5 units*
- Naughty massage: 6 units
- First-time sex with an attractive prospect: 7 units
*Generally, anyone in a relationship has access to an endless supply of oxytocin. However, as a relationship sours, the human body produces stress hormones that negate any health benefits of oxytocin. Also, following a disagreement, a significant other may choose to withhold oxytocin for several months.
More entries from the Chronic Single's Handbook
- Upcoming live performances of the one-man show, The Chronic Single's Handbook.
- Opening scene of show: Chronically Single? You're not alone.
- Chapter 2: Quiz: Are you marriage material?
- Chapter 3: Quiz: Are you better off alone?
art attribution for hug candy: By jo-h (http://www.flickr.com/photos/jo-h/3389155929/) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons
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