The Chronic Single's Handbook
Personality Test: Are You Marriage Material?
I) Give yourself one point for
each item that applies.
1) You can tolerate boredom:
- After sex
- After lithium
- Fuck you.
2) Your nesting instincts:
- I have no furniture.
- I have college furniture.
- I once went to Pottery Barn for
a free wine and cheese reception.
3) Your girlfriend asks you to
get a video for her preschool daughter's birthday party. You choose:
- Borat
- Death Wish
- Caligula
4) You miss your ex most when:
- Eating alone
- Watching a movie alone
- Paying the mortgage alone.
5) If a significant other says
"no" to sex, you:
- Take her to her favorite restaurant
because she's probably having a difficult week
- Take her college-aged daughter
to her favorite restaurant because you're having a difficult week
- Visit Yvonne, the
double-jointed masseuse
6) Your ideal frequency for
seeing significant other:
- Once a week
- Once a month
- Once a year
7) Your mother:
- Call her once a day.
- Call her once a year.
- Her body is lashed to a rocking
chair in the attic.
8) Your last relationship failed
because:
- You forgot her birthday.
- You forgot her phone number.
- You forgot her name.
9) It's your anniversary and she
is expecting something special, so you:
- Go drinking with the boys
- Go skiing with the boys
- Visit Yvonne, the
double-jointed masseuse
10) How well do you understand
women?
- When a woman says,
"No," she means "Feel my breasts."
- When a woman says, "Let go
of my throat, you're hurting me," she means "Feel my breasts."
- When a woman says, "Get
out now or I'm calling the police," she means "Feel my breasts."
II) Scoring:
- One to five: Clueless
- Six to ten: Hopeless
- Ten or more: Dangerous
- Finding Your Match: The Five Romantic Personalities
More Entries in The Chronic Single's Handbook
- Finding Your Match: The Five Romantic Personalities
*Image attribution: Marriage image at top of blog from Academia Historica, Republic of China [1]
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